This resonates! I am far from a relationship expert from a theoretical perspective, but last month marked 39 years since my wife and I met and started to date. Fair amount of lived experience. 🙂
We have had our fair shares of twists and turns. And, I would also say overwhelmingly more good times than bad, by a lot.
If I were to try and pinpoint the secret, I think it’s like many things in life, it’s awareness. Honoring who the other person is - good times and not. Often I see couples struggling because the other person won’t change or won’t live up to the expectations that is built up in our minds of how a partner is supposed to act. Obviously, I’m assuming foundational things like trust, honor, respect. But, I’ve watched couples in their 40s and 50s grow apart, and maybe for some it’s the right answer.
But going back to your findings of watching a romcom, I see that as people growing together, rather than apart. My wife loves certain shows, I’m fairly indifferent. But we watch those shows almost every night together. Why? Because I know it’s important to her and it gives us a common language, bond experience especially when we watch shows that mirror aspects of our own lives like romcoms.
39 years makes you an expert in my book! Thanks for sharing your perspective, and I love how you view this post and the importance of self awareness. As one famous therapist likes to say, you can be right, or you can be happily married. Choose.
I so often find happiness on the other side of my attachment to being right. And it doesn't mean that I end saying I am wrong (at least sometimes), just learning to zoom out and see the perspective from a wider angle.
This resonates! I am far from a relationship expert from a theoretical perspective, but last month marked 39 years since my wife and I met and started to date. Fair amount of lived experience. 🙂
We have had our fair shares of twists and turns. And, I would also say overwhelmingly more good times than bad, by a lot.
If I were to try and pinpoint the secret, I think it’s like many things in life, it’s awareness. Honoring who the other person is - good times and not. Often I see couples struggling because the other person won’t change or won’t live up to the expectations that is built up in our minds of how a partner is supposed to act. Obviously, I’m assuming foundational things like trust, honor, respect. But, I’ve watched couples in their 40s and 50s grow apart, and maybe for some it’s the right answer.
But going back to your findings of watching a romcom, I see that as people growing together, rather than apart. My wife loves certain shows, I’m fairly indifferent. But we watch those shows almost every night together. Why? Because I know it’s important to her and it gives us a common language, bond experience especially when we watch shows that mirror aspects of our own lives like romcoms.
Great post, Cam. 👏🏻
39 years makes you an expert in my book! Thanks for sharing your perspective, and I love how you view this post and the importance of self awareness. As one famous therapist likes to say, you can be right, or you can be happily married. Choose.
I so often find happiness on the other side of my attachment to being right. And it doesn't mean that I end saying I am wrong (at least sometimes), just learning to zoom out and see the perspective from a wider angle.
Cheers my friend!